Separation Anxiety, Exhaustion, and I go to college (in my best Napoleon Dynamite voice).

So it's been a million years since I've blogged, not that I haven't been writing.... Most of my free time has been, well not free.

School! That's right I'm about a month into my first semester back at school, and my feelings are mixed. I am enjoying it, my teachers are very cool, and lucky for me I;m actually younger than some of the people I have class with. Which has gone a long way in easing my fear of being lost in a sea of eighteen year olds. I look forward to going, and have started hitting the starbucks drive-through to help me get through the late night (Thursday, when Im there until 10PM). Where it gets slightly overwhelming is the workload for semester. With working full-time, writing during all my free-time, and being a mom, and taking care of this nice two story home, well let's just say the math doesn't add up. There are simply not enough hours in the day.

Which is why it's so funny that on top of all that I'm chairing the Publicity comittee for the local PTA. It's not taking up too much time, and I love being a part of something like that. The community at Patricks's school, and well our neighborhood, is just awesome. I feel a little lame for enjoying it so much, but I do. In fact I wish I was able to do more. But with the daycare still going, I still lack a lit of freedom in volunteering and stuff.

That could soon come to pass though. I didn't get the gig at About.com. I was bummed at first, but am hoping for something else to come along. WIth the couple gigs I currently have going on, I figure I am one, maybe two more, regular gigs away from being able to make the switch to freelancing full-time. I'm not sure when, but hopefully not to long. Needless to say, that's why I;m investing so much time into it. It'll be worth it in the end.

Cheyanne has now started pre-school and is having a hard time adjusting. I never really went through a separation anxiety thing with Patrick, at least not like this . She screams and cries, and asks me to stay. I am a professional child care provider. I am going to school for child development. In fact I'm studying these actual behavior issues RIGHT NOW. But it doesn't matter how well you understand the issue of separation anxiety, or how well you deal with when it's someone else's child. When it's your baby crying, it just flat sucks. But I'm smart enough to know that she's going to be just fine, in fact she's already doing better.

That's pretty much the jist of it all. For now anyway. School, writing, and work. Exhaustion. The holiday break cannot come soon enough.......
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And so the Chaos begins...

I've been neglecting my blog for weeks now! It's not on purpose, I've just been keeping up with other writing gigs that are actually paying gigs (woo hoo) and they've been sucking up all my free time. I did not get the position at About.com but the editor moved me right into training for another position (that I would MUCH prefer to have), so I'm smack dab in the middle of prep, again. I am so hoping that it works out. If I get it, I may be able to stop doing daycare and freelance full time. It would be a dream come true. Writing for a living would be spectacular. On top of it being what I want to do, it would give me so much more freedom with the kids.

Speaking of kids, tomorrow Patrick starts kindergarten. I am just in shock. I can't believe that he's going to be going to school. Not pre-school, but real school. It's crazy!!! I am wrenching with emotion and have butterflies in my stomach. On to of that Cheyanne starts pre-school next week. What happened to my babies?

Speaking of school, Allen and I both started school last week. So far so good. It's going to be fun, a lot of work, but fun. I'm a little overwhelmed because when I signed up back in June for the fall semester, I wasn't doing the writing like I am now. I'm a little anxious at trying to work full-time, write almost full-time, and go to school twice a week and fit in homework. Oh yea, and run my household and help my kids adjust to starting school themselves. The biggest relief would be if I could get a couple more writing gigs, and stop the daycare....

In other news, we went to a wedding yesterday. The daughter of a family that we're pretty close with. It was a lovely ceremony, and we had a wonderful time. Food, music, and atmosphere were all awesome. I had one thing that I perturbed me, just a bit. The vows. It was a very Christian ceremony, which is great, but the vows actually included asking the groom if he will make an income that can support her, and retain the position as leader of the family. Her vows were about supporting the husband and keeping a good home. I had to check my cell phone and make sure I was in the right year. It's strange because the family is full of strong women, and it just didn't jive with how I see the bride at all.
It was actually the groom I felt more upset for. I'm not unrealistic in the fact that gender roles exist in today world, and that's ok to a degree. Men are men, women are women. There will always be differences. But, I also think in a marriage, or lifetime commitment, a man and woman should be equal partners. In this day and age it's unfair to place the burden of supporting a household on one person. Unless of course it's what works for that particular couple, but I think just assuming that a woman should have a choice whether she wants to work or not, and a man does not, seems uncool. It reminded me of that scene form the Kevin Bacon movie, She's Having a Baby.


Maybe it's just me...

It's Been Awhile...

4th of July Weekend
It seems like forever since I've updated! I have a handful of stories to tell about the last couple of weeks. We spent the 4th of July weekend up at camp. Allen even played at the Lube Room up there on Saturday afternoon and I took the kids down to go see him. It awesome. It was the first time they'd ever actually seen him play. It was a busy weekend, but fun. It was Allen, the kids, my niece, Allen's friend, Allen's sister, her girlfriend, and me. A fun time was had by all, but we had an "incident" occur Saturday night. So the kids, Allen's sister, her girlfriend and I actually only stayed for the first set. We headed back to camp afterward had dinner roasted some marshmallows and then I put the kids to bed. Only problem is, the next door neighbors. Ok, so allow me to explain these campsites. They are leased sites, not public campgrounds, and most of them have been in the leasing family 3 or 4 generations. So when the grandson of the man next door showed up with 30 (I'm so not exaggerating) of his closest friends, I knew there was going to be a rumble. Their party was very close to the tent where we were sleeping. I got all "mama's gonna knock you out" on their asses and gave them some serious attitude each time I had to go over and tell them to shut up. Especially when they started puking and peeing all over the place outside the tent.

On the plus side it was just us girls for the evening (me, my sister-in-law and her girlfriend), and boy did we just kill ourselves talking shit around the campfire. Don't you just love those giggle fits? We had some fun making fun of the teenagers next door. Karma says that by the time they're old enough to be going up there with their own kids, Patrick & Cheyanne will be up there with their teenage friends...Ha Ha.

My Niece
The whole week after 4th of July, my niece stayed with us. She's ten and teh sweetest little girl around. the house seems empty now that she's gone back. The kids think the whole world revolves around her. They miss her terribly and are already planning her next visit. Hopefully it will be sooner than later.

On Writing
So after a number of months of trying I finally got accepted into the first stage of prep for a position at the New York times owned About.com. It's been a lot of work this last week or so, but hopefully it's been enough to get me into the second stage of prep, and then actually get me the job. The site I'll be running is soap operas (yay!) and it's going to be a nice step in the right direction of eventually be able to write full time. Me and my charming ways got an interview with Eden Riegel from All my Children to submit to my editor, so that will hopefully give me an edge over the other candidates I'm competing with. Please keep your fingers crossed. I also submitted some poetry to a greeting card company (Blue Mountain) and they sent me an acceptance letter! It was just like in the movies when the author receives the big manila envelope in the mail that says "Congratulations Mrs. Writer..." When they do get around to publishing it (which could take awhile) It could be up to three-hundred bucks! It's all happening...

Imaginary Bitches
Ok so speaking of Eden Reigel, have you seen Imaginary Bitches? OMG! It's like SATC meets Sybil. HILARIOUS. It's a web series that can be seen on youtube or their website, check it out now!!

My Dad
My dad finally finished his chemo and radiation. It was the worst round of them all, of course. But he's finally on the mend and sounding more and more like himself everyday. He has yet to go in for all the follow up stuff to see how well the treatment worked, so it's all back in the hands of fate. I pray for him to be better everyday.

"And the tides gonna turn and it's all gonna roll your way..."

A couple things in the weekly "pre-Lost" post, as I've come to call it, first and foremost one of the coolest and most surreal moments of my life. Yesterday, I received my first check for freelance writing. It was a whopping $68.00! It may not be enough to quit the day job or anything, but man what a rush. I've been writing my WHOLE life. I've got a library full of journals, diaries, short stories, poems, and songs, you name it. It's been my passion and the core of who I am my entire life.

So for the first time I actually start to take it seriously, and I get paid for it. Well it's pretty damn emotional. I feel proud in a way I've never felt before. As far as career and professionally, I've never felt complete. I've always had a big empty space where that piece of me should be. Doing daycare makes me happy, because it enables me to be home with my kids, where I want to be. That doesn't make it my passion. Not even close. The closest I ever came to that feeling was getting my first paycheck at Rock 95. That was pretty cool too. But this, this feels like destiny...

The other great thing that happened was today. The Cat Lady (AKA our tax lady) FINALLY got back to us after almost 2 weeks of being MIA. If you've been following the ongoing saga of " The Harvey Family Bankruptcy/Tax Debt 2008", you'll know that she disappeared after telling us we were going to owe over $4,000, but she couldn't get us the final numbers or the paperwork (which we needed for our old senile bankruptcy lawyer) because she was having computer problems. We never heard back from her, and most times when I'd call, I'd get a damn busy signal.

I'm not lying when I tell you what she told me. That her CATS kept messing with her and unplugging the phone in the back room where she couldn't see it. So we've been on this depressing slump for the last week and a half waiting for confirmation, because her cats were being "funny". How is it, if there is a freakin nutjob within a mile radius of us, we'll hire them for something?

On top of the endless venting about her VERY rude cats (her words), it finally came out that part of those "computer problems" is what gave her the total amount we were going to owe, the correct amount was actually 2. I said $2,000? Great!" She said "No, 2. Just 2 dollars". My heart leapt, "We only owe $2.00? You're kidding me!" I responded. "No," she said annoyed, "you're getting BACK $2.00". So not only are we NOT going to owe anything, as originally reported, but we're getting back $2.00!!!! HELLO MCDONALDS! Supersize me baby! YAYYYYY Woo HOO!!!!!

So Saturday we go BACK to the senile old bankruptcy lawyer with our taxes and get back on the bankruptcy train. If we ever make it to court at this point, God only knows. Here's hopin we get there before the collection people who keep calling drive me insane!

In all honesty, this week has been one of the best weeks we've had in a VERY long time (granted I still lost my keys on Wednesday, so Patrick missed school, but I guess dumb luck is just the story of my life). The title of the post is a quote from Dolly Parton's 9 to 5, because at the moment, I'm kinda feeling like maybe, just maybe, the tide is starting to change...

Surviving Adolescence with Stephen King

Growing up, most pre-teen girls turn to author Judy Blume. Her books on the trials & tribulations of adolescence is often attributed to the very survival of young adulthood. For me there was someone else though. Not to say Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing didn't heavily impact my young life at the time, because it did. There was another author who planted the very seed of a dream and a passion that I would carry with me entire life. That author, Stephen King. The seed, writing.

Stephen King? You ask. Not your first thought for relatable reading material for a 12 year old girl. Strangely enough I did relate. OK, so maybe I never set my pre-teen cheerleading tormenters on fire at the school dance, but there were times it did cross my mind... The appeal that Stephen King always held for me, and still does, was not what he writes, but how he writes.

Reading a Stephen King novel is like being taken into a quiet room, and being whispered a story. No one around but you and the storyteller. The whole world outside disappears, and you are sucked into another world. So far in, that you worry about being able to get out.

Every difficult time I had as a teenager, or as an adult, I found myself turning to Stephen King. Not for advice on "how" to survive these struggles, but simply to just survive them.

Things like getting teased in the locker room for not yet wearing a bra, or the strange confusion and stress of my first period. My first heartbreak, my parents separation, alcoholism, or my big brother in Iraq during the Gulf War. Sometimes I got sick and tired of thinking about these things. I didn't want to "talk" about them, I just wanted to run away from them. Stephen King was always on the shelf and with the simple opening of a book, I'd be a million miles away. Even as I got older.

When I suffered my first miscarriage, and I was home in bed for 2 days, I reread The Stand. When I finally was going to have a baby, and I neared the end of my pregnancy, I was SO scared. I'd never stayed in a hospital before and I had no idea what to expect from childbirth, except a lot of pain. So in my hospital bag, I packed the Shining. Strange choice, but hey, I was in labor for 30 hours, and did it WITHOUT an epidural. Stephen King to the rescue again (Please note that I was hooked up to an IV with pain medication, I'm not that crazy...).

Now as I begin my thirties (turned the big 30 in October), I find the same release from just the daily stuff that life throws at me. I also find myself reexamining that seed Stephen King planted so many years ago, the passion for writing. It's something I've always done, and always wanted to do. I feel like maybe this is the year to make that change. To take it seriously. Maybe. All I know is that now when I finish a Stephen King book the same thought runs through my head, "Damn! How the hell does he do that?"

By the way, I can't finish this post without mentioning my OTHER favorite author, Chuck Palahniuk. He's a newer author(compared to Stephen King) and is the only author I can honestly say that I have read EVERYTHING this man has written. Including most essays and articles. He is another author who truly leaves me feeling totally inspired and in awe everytime I finish one of his books. A master storyteller.

One big difference between him & Stephen King, is that Chuck, I have actually had the great honor of meeting. While he was on tour for his book, Choke, I went to meet him and hear him speak in Oakland. What a wonderful guy. Sometimes when you idolize a favorite author, the real thing doesn't quite live up to your imagination. Not Chuck. His wicked humor and easy style translates very well in reality. If you haven't ever read something by Chuck, DO SO NOW! It's a ride you'll never forget.

Thanks to both of these incredible men for inspiring me everyday to live my own dreams. Also to all my writer friends out there, be proud of every little piece of immortality you put out there into the world.