My Peanut Butter

(Originally written) Sunday, March 25, 2007

Do you know that song, She's Got A Way by Billy Joel? Ever since I was a little girl I have loved this song. I would daydream that someday I would meet a man and he would feel this away about me. But ever since the day Allen and I decided to start a family, this song completley became about something, or someone totally different. This song isn't a traditional love song to me anymore. It never will be. Because for me, whenever I hear this song, I think of Cheyanne's first night home from the hospital. Well her first night home from the hospital, and every day since then. Right up until a little while ago when I kissed her goodnight. And she smiled and said "Love you mommy". My little peanut butter. My little Cheyanne. My princess.
I think the biggest difference in being mother to a daughter, is that it makes you truly strive to be a better woman. Respecting myself, treating myself with dignity, being proud of myself inside and out, and taking pride in everything that is being a woman is so much more important. Not just because I deserve to, but because she deserves to. Every heartbreak, every mistake, every friend that screws her over, every test she fails, every guy that never calls, or even every guy that won't stop calling, school, marriage, motherhood, the way she deals with all of it, well is going to be based on how I show her how to deal with it. The woman she becomes tomorrow is going to be a direct result of the woman I am today. I'm not sure why it is exactly, but a woman has much more to answer to when raising a daughter. Maybe because men have a tendency to not deal with childhood issues too much, but man, a pissed off daughter will tell you exactly where you failed as a mom. If that realization doesn't get me to ease up on my own drama queen tendencies, I don't know what will. Anyway, happy 2nd birthday to my peanut butter (don't ask, it's her given nickname...) on Wednesday.
"She's got a light around her, And everywhere she goes a million dreams of love surround her, Everywhere" -Billy Joel